Generally, when celebrities confess to having sordid relations with other stars, most of you lot shout ‘we knew it!’ triumphantly, while I breathe a sigh of relief about finally being able to report something I’d heard whispers about in the media all along.
Take Dannii Minogue and Simon Cowell, for example. Surely everyone realised that the Australian singer didn’t make it onto the ITV show for her musical expertise – she was there because Simon fancied the pants off her.
As Simon admitted in an unauthorised biography by Tom Bower (called Sweet Revenge: The Intimate Life of Simon Cowell), the X Factor judge had a huge crush on Dannii. He said: “It was Dannii’s hair, the sexy clothes, and the t**s. I was like a schoolboy. She was foxy. She was a real man’s girl. Very feminine. It was genuine love.”
Dannii and Simon holding hands in 2007 - this is the picture that sparked all the rumours
Simon happily flirted with other women (aka Cheryl) when fiancee Mezghan was around
But you lot don’t appear to believe it. ‘He’s just desperate for viewers’, said Mark on Twitter (you know him, Mark!), ‘Funny how when we have discovered The Voice, Simon Cowell has discovered his’. Hayley added: ‘He just has #BGT to plug! Any publicity is good publicity! (he'll tell you that).’
Simon went onto say that he fancied the pants off Cheryl Cole, who made him feel like “the mouse with a beautiful cat” in his X Factor dressing room. But do you believe Simon ever had a shot with Cheryl? ‘No’, says Katie, ‘It’s all a front!’
A front for what? If trying it on with the ladies on the X Factor judging panel isn’t enough proof that Simon is a womaniser, Sharon Osbourne has since come forward and suggested he’s been bedding even more of the women in his life.
Sharon Osbourne hated being in the middle of Dannii and Simon's secret relationship during her stint on The X Factor
After reading the confessions, Sharon claimed that not only was Simon seeing Dannii, but after that he went onto date three women at the same time – including ex-fiancee Mezhgan Hussainy.
Describing Simon’s life as a “little world of debauchery”, Sharon said: “We all knew Simon and Dannii were seeing each other, it wasn’t a secret. I don’t know why he tried to hide it from everyone though – he’d already split from Terri [Seymour].
“But it’ll be interesting whether the book mentions he was seeing Mezhgan, Jasmine and Julia at the same time.”
Sharon was referring to glamour model Jasmine Lennard and his personal make-up artist Julia Carta.
Sharon claimed Jasmine Lennard was seeing Simon while he was engaged to Mezghan
Simon's ex Jackie is always getting treated to free nights out - even though they split years ago. And look how happy it makes her
Convinced yet? Some of you aren’t. ‘Embarrassed to think there are so many stupid women out there,’ says Karen, ‘The man is as fake as a nine bob note.’
There could be even more ‘stupid women’ than you think, Karen, because Simon’s publicist Max Clifford reckons there are even more women waiting in the wings.
He said today: “Of course, it's open season now. I had yesterday six different girls contact my office who have supposedly had relationships with Simon Cowell. You've got one or two stories - there's a hundred you haven't got and hopefully you won't have.”
Simon is big on flirting - here he is invading Elisabeth Murdoch's personal space
The public is normally fascinated by a champion shagger – particularly if they’re accused of being a cheat – with the story getting more and more interesting as various ladies come out of the woodwork. But these claims about Simon have been met with scoffs and giggles, from people who refuse to believe he has the prowess to pull it off.
Cody asked us: ‘If he did sleep with all these women, how? He ain’t exactly a heartthrob!’
No Cody, he isn’t, but he is an extremely rich and powerful man and, for many women, that is quite enough.
Take his harem of women, for example. Every year Simon whisks a very odd selection of ladies off to exotic destinations. It generally includes whoever Simon is dating at the time – Terri Seymour or Mezhgan Hussainy, for example – plus warring ex-flings Sinitta, Paula Abdul and Jackie St Clair. Sometimes he even takes his mum along too!
Simon keeps the ladies on the judging panel close, spoiling them with attention
Simon loves to bicker with Amanda and spoil her with attention
Professional and personal relationships aren't particularly different in Simon's head
The 52 year old loves to play women off against each other – it’s his thing. He does it on The X Factor panel every year, choosing women that never gel and stirring up the atmosphere, and he does it in his personal life.
“Like many successful men, Simon is of the ‘cool’ relationship type,” says psychologist Kuldeep Brar. “He has the drive and energy in his professional life but lacks the warmth needed to develop meaningful relationships.
“Cool types can be very persistent: his affair with Dannii suggests he loves the chase.”
And the women go along with it, because – let’s be honest – it looks like a lot of fun. Simon splashes insane amounts of cash on, well, everything. He has a team of staff looking after his every whim and the music mogul gets access to absolutely everything. No, even more than that.
Oh come on - that towel might look a tad high, but check out the fancy yacht!
0Going out with Simon would be like a fun gap year. Except you don't leave with debt
Kelly Jones can see where I’m coming from there. She tells me: ‘Money & power are a strong aphrodisiac… I'd personally rather eat my own eyeballs, (sorry Si) but hey hoo!!’
Really? I think I’d probably go there – it would be a once in a lifetime experience! Sure, I’d have to fight with Sinitta and Jackie St Clair for Simon’s attention, but I’d do it while hanging out on a 60ft yacht in the Seychelles. Want to go to a concert? Sure – have dinner with the band first, if you like.
OK, so I’m starting to sound a bit slutty, but Simon isn’t that bad. For a 52 year old. His dress sense is improving, he’s got a cheeky glint in his eye and his manners aren’t so bad. His face may not move, but at least it’s frozen into an agreeable shape.
1I don't know who this woman is, so let's squint at her face and pretend it's me
2Simon kicked Terri to the kerb a few years back and she turned out alright
And, after a while, I’d get binned off. But that’s OK – being with Simon Cowell forever would be unbearable and sometimes the mistresses get left with awesome gifts. Take Mezghan, for example, she got binned off in the end, but Simon gave her his $5m house as a parting gift. Nice.
And, finally, a very small selection of people – mostly women – are starting to see things my way.
OK, one woman. Emma Lou tells me: “I met him once and he gave me the eye. Fact. Swear on the holy bible. Cross my heart and hope to die stick a needle in my eye. And I so would. Am I sick?”
No Emma, you are not sick. And if you are, I am too. Call us, Si!