Dear Coleen,

I’ve been with my partner nearly a year now, but when we met I wasn’t really looking for a relationship because I was adamant on joining the army.

We exchanged numbers, though, and he was such a sweetheart. He’d say things that no man had ever said to me before and made me laugh and cry (in a good way). So when he asked me out I said yes.

A couple of months later he proposed and, again, I said yes. I ditched the army and found a new career, which I hate, but it’s the only job I could find.

Now I feel I’ve given up so much for nothing. I don’t feel he loves me any more or that he finds me attractive. I’ve even stopped eating properly.

I wish he’d be the sweetheart I met and give me some compliments. I really love him, but feel so low.

Coleen says..

I don’t think the problem is necessarily your fiance (although he might not be helping).

I think it’s your self-esteem that’s taken a battering and I think you’re depressed about your job because you’re getting no fulfillment from it. And it’s making you regret not joining the army.

I think it’s set off a chain reaction of emotions and you’re now examining your relationship.

The recession means it’s not easy to just change jobs at the moment, but you should still look around to see if there are opportunities.

And start looking at the positives in your relationship.

You love each other, but maybe you just need to spend some proper time together. Have a night where you get a bit dressed up and go out (or stay in), but make an effort.

It’s easier to blame your partner for changing when things aren’t going right, but maybe you’re the one who’s changed because you’re so unhappy.

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